Ranting About Pokémon

by Legend

I both like and hate the video game franchise known as Pokémon. It’s a bitter-sweet playing experience for me. Some things in Pokémon I can tolerate, but other things drive me into a ranting fit.

Today I will be ranting about odd things in Pokémon, and also things I dislike about them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Pokémon fan, but I’m one of those Pokémon fans who rant. A lot.

WARNING: I am ranting. Don’t expect a constructive “review”.

Click “read more” for my thoughts.

Rant #1: Collecting Again and Again

What I like the most about Pokémon is collecting. This is both a blessing and a curse, actually.

Catching Pokémon sparks the collector in me and drives me to capture all Pokémon. The problem with Pokémon collecting is I don’t like to give up and like 100% in video games, so capturing all the hundreds of creatures takes a long time.

When I’m finally close to finishing my Pokédex, Nintendo goes ahead and releases another set of Pokémon games with 100+ more Pokémon. With the addition of the new games, my old Pokédex is rendered obsolete. It gets me so enraged that my Pokédex hunting was all for naught.

How to fix it: If the old Pokédex information were transferable to the new game (after both Pokémon games have been completed), then I would like Pokémon more. My collecting could continue as the games went on.

Rant #2: Special Events

What Nintendo does is they release a Pokémon for a week or so at Toy R Us (or another store) for free. These Pokémon is usually event-exclusive, meaning you can’t get it otherwise unless you convince a friend trades you one or you hack the game (which are both hard to do).

To be quite frank, I really really really dislike these special events. Reason number one is that I always get the Pokémon games after all the events for the certain game have passed. I secondly dislike these events because it should be included in the game in the first place. When I buy a video game, I want to have all the features included into it and not have to go elsewhere to get the good stuff.

How to fix it: Get rid of Special Events. It’s better just to have the content IN GAME, rather then having to go somewhere to get it. Some people don’t even get the special events in their cities.

Rant #3: Too Many Monsters

I’m pretty sure the creators of Pokémon are running out of ideas. In their latest addition of Pokémon, a lot of the creatures looks like mixes of previous ones.

Dewott is a mixture of:

Lucario and...

...Mudkip

As shown in the pictures above, the Pokémon are getting more and more like each other. There are so many now ( in fact there are 649 Pokémon), that any new ones that are come up with just look similar to each other or man-made things. Like Vanillish, which is based on ice cream. If Pokémon were around before man invented ice cream, why is there an ice cream-shaped Pokémon? There are gear-shaped and bell-shaped Pokémon, too. What came first, Pokémon or invention?

How to fix it: Stop making so many creatures! A lot of us can’t keep up. We don’t need 100+ new Pokémon every few years. What’s going to happen in twenty years? Assuming Pokémon is still around, it’ll be a nightmare to capture the thousands of Pokémon. I personally Nintendo needs to slow down a lot in Pokémon releasing.

Rant #4: Eggs

The game makes NO SENSE when it comes to breeding. All Pokémon, even mammal Pokémon, lay eggs. Cat Pokémon lay eggs, dog Pokémon lay eggs, mice Pokémon, monkey Pokémon, and so on. Even plant Pokémon can lay eggs! It’s ridiculous! Sunflora is based on a sunflower, and it lays an egg that hatches into a Pokémon based off a sunflower seed. So the flower lays an egg that hatches into a seed that grows into the flower. How messed is that?

Kangaskhan is based off the kangaroo. It even has a baby in it’s pouch, too. It lays eggs, which hatch into a Kangaskhan with a baby in it’s pouch. Males have a baby in their pouch, too. And the baby NEVER grows up, either. The Kangaskhan just lays an egg that hatches into another Kangaskhan with an eternally youthful baby already in it’s pouch. Go figure.

Let’s go onto legendary Pokémon. So these Pokémon are supposed to be incredibly rare and powerful, and because of that they are all genderless to avoid the player breeding an army of powerful rare Pokémon. But if the Legendaries are genderless, how are they even still around? They would all die out, and be gone forever, because they can’t breed. And nowadays, Nintendo is starting to release Legendaries with gender, but they still can’t breed.

This brings me to Manaphy. It can breed, and it is a legendary, but it’s children are all Phione, another legendary. If Manaphy and Phione both breed Phiones, then how are Manaphy still around? It is never described in the games that Manaphy can lay both types of eggs. Maybe they can, like in the anime, because otherwise Manaphy are doomed.

How to fix it: Well I say that breeding Legendaries should be possible, but only when it breeds with it’s own species and it is extremely rare to occur. As for the other odd breeding habits of Pokémon, I’m going to have to leave it at that.

Rant #5: No Sense At All

I could write forever about this point.

It is stated that when the Pokémon Charmander’s tail goes out (it’s a flame), then it dies. Also it is stated that Pokémon can not die in battle. So when Charmander is soaked by water and faints, how come it’s tail doesn’t go out? Is some magic force keeping it alive? And if so, what force is it?

Moving on to Diglett. It’s just a small Pokémon’s head sticking out of the ground. No body has ever seen its feet or how it digs. Do its feet dig for it? What do the feet look like? Diglett evolves at Level 26. When it evolves, it becomes Dugtrio, which is three Diglett fused together. How does that constitute as a different species? What keeps the Diglett together, anyways?

Slowpoke evolves when it reaches level 37 into Slowbro. Slowbro is basically a slowpoke with a Shellder attached to its tail. Where did the Shellder come from? It lives in the ocean! What if Slowpoke evolved into Slowbro in a volcano? There would be no Shellder for miles! And apparently Slowbro can “de-evolve” into Slowpoke if it loses its Shellder. So its species is determined by a shell biting into its tail? Also, Slowpoke can become a Slowking if Shellder bites its head. Apparently the poison of Shellder makes Slowking intelligent enough to think like a human. If Shellder poison makes you smarter, how come they’re not all under high demand?

The creator of the Pokémon universe is Arceus. If you catch an Arceus, how does that work? You’ve caught the creator of the Pokémon universe! You are the strongest person ever! Oh, nevermind, all your friends have Arceus anyways. How can there be multiple creators of the Pokémon universe?

What about Nidoran! Each Nidoran gender is a different species according to the Pokédex. Nidoran Male becomes Nidorino then Nidoking, Nidoran Female becomes Nidorina then Nidoqueen. Why would they be ranked as different species?

Mr. Mime is a Pokémon is have. The odd thing is that I have a FEMALE Mr. Mime. Why is it called Mr. Mime if it can be a female? What if you call your Mr. Mime to come over, but a female Pokémon comes over? And what about Jynx, the humanoid, female-only Pokémon? How does it reproduce? Does it breed with Mr. Mime?

Frankly, these is no way to fix the oddities of Pokémon, because without them there wouldn’t be Pokémon. Let’s face it, Pokémon is a video game, and sometimes video games don’t make perfect sense. There is a lot more I can rant about, but I think this is enough.

Until next time~

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